Obscure Words and Thoughts By, Nicole Cutts
How often do you feel stuck in the course of attempting to live your Vision?
On average I probably feel stuck about 3 times a week! I wish living my Vision was something that flowed nay gushed like a river coming down a mountain, but that is no doubt owing to my chronically high expectations of myself and life. The reality is that one minute I am flowing, in the groove, and the next minute I am stuck on or sometimes clinging to a rock! I say clinging because I suspect that it is my fear that gets me stuck and I could let go of the rock if I wanted to but noooooooo…what would happen if I do? Who would I be without my daily dose of existential angst?!
Going with the flow at all times is something that I dream of. Many times on my walks by the river I stand and watch it as it flows gently toward the sea, bubbling and gurgling and imagine myself just happily floating along buoyed by the cool water. Then I leave the river and get engaged in my work and return to that halting clinging pace of stop and start and fear and exultation and slothfulness etc.
Today the rock I am clinging to is feeling pretty slippery. I have known for about two weeks now that I need to start writing my story to go in The Book (the one this whole blog is about, see “About the Vision Quest Chronicles”). Every step forward is scary for me, mainly owing again to the high expectations thing, and fear of failure and success (remember the angst?) I imagine that it has to be perfect…I’m afraid of moving forward…what if I fail…what is I succeed? WHAT IF I JUST DO IT?! That’s where I always land anyway so why don’t I just start here? Don’t know yet, but at some time today I will sit down and just make a start and see what comes out. Wish me luck.
Vision Quest Survey Report: as of today, 127 people have started the survey and 99 have completed it!
(first posted 5.30.09)
