What happens to your Vision when you put it out there and you get a negative reaction?
After installment #1 of The Vision Quest Chronicles I solicited feedback, comments and stories from others living their Vision. I received several kind and supportive comments from people I know and a few contributions. I appreciated that. Then I received some feedback from a journalist I was acquainted with to which I had a much stronger reaction. His critique held words like “self promotional” “marketing tool” and “not from the heart” but he was only getting warmed up. He then suggested that I was wasting my reader’s time and concluded, “at 700 words it is hardly an inviting blog.” I have to admit I was shocked and hurt by his criticism and the harsh delivery.
Why did the supportive comments make less of an impression on me? I decided to do some soul searching about my reaction and this is what I found. I felt vulnerable, because I had put myself out there and felt like I had been told it was not good enough…I was not good enough. I felt misunderstood and somehow shamed. It dredged up my fear of failure. Maybe I would not achieve my Vision. The worst part was that his words led me temporarily to doubt my Vision and it’s usefulness to others.
I had to look at my part in this. I saw my own self-doubt and lack of confidence in myself and my Vision. If I were totally confident his words would not affect me. I also brought my characteristic sensitivity to the situation. I do not have “thick skin.” Also I gave more power to the criticism and this person who I don’t even know than I did to those who were supportive and complimentary. I took his words personally. Ultimately the biggest mistake I made was giving this stranger more sway over me and my Vision than I was giving to my Higher Power. The point of living your Vision is to bring something to the world and to others and I had made it about me.
After spending the time on this inventory I ultimately concluded that this experience was a gift. For one it made me look at my intention and my Vision. It strengthened my resolve in my Vision. I realized that this experience will help me to empathize with others who experience the same thing and it is preparing me for the reality that when you put your work out there it will be criticized. I will have to get better at handling this. Perhaps most importantly (remains to be seen) this experience made me realize that the Vision is not about me but service to others and that my ego is not really the important part here. I keep forgetting that!
What I’d like to hear from you is how you have handled similar situations. In the course of living your Vision how have you dealt with criticism or negative reactions?
(first posted 4.9.09)
Criticism. This is supposed to be the stuff that strengthens our resolve. If not immediately, a while after we’re over the resentment about the critic, the method or even timing of the delivery.
Her name was Sharon, and she thought herself to be the queen of all that she surveyed. I suppose that she was because she was responsible for my performance evaluation and ultimately my career progression, however she never got to management class for any version of “Talking to People 101″. She was brutal, even nasty, as she told me what I heard as “You’re an idiot”. I am sure that she didn’t actually say those words, but she reduced a year’s worth of dedication to ten minutes of humiliation. I knew I was good at what I did and that her only aim was to prevent me from highlighting all of her shortcomings with my work. Hell I was doing her damn job plus my own for the whole damn year!
I was angry. I was hurt. I called in sick just not to have to deal with her nonsense. I thought things that folks should never think of unless you work at the Post Office. (Joke!) I lost weight (ysy!). I developed an ulcer (not good).
Eventually I took advantage of our Employee Assistance Plan, i.e. I saw the company shrink for Anger Management. It was that bad. I had never ever received a bad evaluation before and with this piece of fiction she delivered I got denied a promotion and a raise. Do not mess with my money!
In short I recognized to rationalize her own motivation and to analyze the evaluation objectively. She needed to keep me where I was so that her own position would remain secure. I learned, like you seemed to learn too, that everyone has their two cents to pitch in, and some of those cents are really of another currency and have absolutely no market value in the You economy.
I have a comment. My vision is being affected by this economy. If I wondered before if it was feasible…now I am really wondering. Am I the only one that feels this way?
RJ,
I doubt you are the only one who feels this way. How I am living my Vision and the choices I am making about my work are affected by the economy, but I do believe that if we follow our bliss the money will follow.