The Negril Sunset
Relax as it is.
This invective I read in a book by the Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron. This is what I am working on always. This continues to be a challenge as I live my Vision. Some of my most pronounced character traits are impatience, high expectations and a need to control or manipulate things to the way I want them. There is a good side to these traits. On one hand they can be adaptive but in certain contexts and to an extent they can become character defects.
They are adaptive when I apply them to doing my job, problem solving, and giving my best service. They become maladaptive when they block me from accepting life, other beings, or any given moment as it is. When I don’t accept a thing first exactly as it is I am disturbed and often very unhappy. Relaxing into the moment is the antidote to my impatience and need to control. This does not mean I do not work to change things or to do a good job but it means that I must accept any given situation as if it is exactly as it is supposed to be in that moment.
I am loathe to admit that even on holiday I have a time accepting things just as they are and just enjoying myself. I continue to try to let go my need to control people places and things and to continually turn them over to a Higher Power. A part of living my Vision means experiencing peace and fulfillment. This does not come with the attainment of my material or status goals. This comes with continuing work on my spiritual centerdness.
My attempt to be completely immersed and accepting of the moments failed yesterday. Rather than being grateful for the day, exactly as it was, I attempted to control and manipulate…to my detriment. I decided that the moment was not enough…I wanted MORE (which, by the way, is a very dangerous drug). I was reminded that I not only cause discomfort for myself when I seek to control but can cause pain and discomfort for others.
There is a basic principle of my Ashtanga Yoga practice called Ahimsa. The rough translation is that we should do no harm to ourselves or to others. Attempts to force our limbs into a painful position is the opposite of Ahimsa, as is, attempting to force another human being into any emotional or spiritual position that might be uncomfortable for her. I learned a valuable lesson (again) from my attempts to control and my lack of ability to simply practice gratitude and being in the present moment. When I try and force things it does not work.
I will continue to contemplate this as I sit in this little restaurant on a cliff side looking out as the rain falls steadily on the sea.
Vision Quest Survey Report: as of today, 144 women have completed it! My Goal= 1000.
(first posted 7.22.09)
