The Vision Quest Chronicles: Tales of Living One's Vision

Except for G*d (Cutts, 2005)

Is balance overrated?

In posts #12, 40 & 41 I have been exploring the concept of potentially competing Visions. Specifically I was examining how a romantic relationship or lack there of may aid or hinder ones ability to live his or her work Vision. When I last checked in I decided that this question of balance would have to be answered in time. It is a thing one must live more than think or plan. Then I came across a quote by Coco Chanel,

“There is no time for cut-and-dried monotony. There is time for work. And time for love. That leaves no other time!”

I like this ethos. This may very well be the answer. It reminds me of a phrase a friend of mine uses. He calls it “living out loud”. Others may call it “working hard and playing hard”. I call it “living my Vision to its fullest expression”. Perhaps this notion of balance is overrated. Why not live it all to its fullest?

Work hard, Play hard and Love hard.

Vision Quest Survey Report: as of today, 145 women have completed it! My Goal= 1000.

(first posted 7.29.09)

The Negril Sunset

Relax as it is.

This invective I read in a book by the Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron. This is what I am working on always. This continues to be a challenge as I live my Vision. Some of my most pronounced character traits are impatience, high expectations and a need to control or manipulate things to the way I want them. There is a good side to these traits. On one hand they can be adaptive but in certain contexts and to an extent they can become character defects.

They are adaptive when I apply them to doing my job, problem solving, and giving my best service. They become maladaptive when they block me from accepting life, other beings, or any given moment as it is. When I don’t accept a thing first exactly as it is I am disturbed and often very unhappy. Relaxing into the moment is the antidote to my impatience and need to control. This does not mean I do not work to change things or to do a good job but it means that I must accept any given situation as if it is exactly as it is supposed to be in that moment.

I am loathe to admit that even on holiday I have a time accepting things just as they are and just enjoying myself. I continue to try to let go my need to control people places and things and to continually turn them over to a Higher Power. A part of living my Vision means experiencing peace and fulfillment. This does not come with the attainment of my material or status goals. This comes with continuing work on my spiritual centerdness.

My attempt to be completely immersed and accepting of the moments failed yesterday. Rather than being grateful for the day, exactly as it was, I attempted to control and manipulate…to my detriment. I decided that the moment was not enough…I wanted MORE (which, by the way, is a very dangerous drug). I was reminded that I not only cause discomfort for myself when I seek to control but can cause pain and discomfort for others.

There is a basic principle of my Ashtanga Yoga practice called Ahimsa. The rough translation is that we should do no harm to ourselves or to others. Attempts to force our limbs into a painful position is the opposite of Ahimsa, as is, attempting to force another human being into any emotional or spiritual position that might be uncomfortable for her. I learned a valuable lesson (again) from my attempts to control and my lack of ability to simply practice gratitude and being in the present moment. When I try and force things it does not work.

I will continue to contemplate this as I sit in this little restaurant on a cliff side looking out as the rain falls steadily on the sea.

Vision Quest Survey Report: as of today, 144 women have completed it! My Goal= 1000.

(first posted 7.22.09)

I’m off on another retreat, this time a private holiday. “Holiday” does not mean that I am not continuing to work on living my Vision because every aspect of my life is my Vision. I just mean this trip is not formal research and has no agenda aside from to experience the richness in each moment. I have found lately that each moment is pregnant with so much when I just slow down enough to be in it. This struck me this morning when I stepped out of our little cottage on the cliff. I spied an orange butterfly suckling on a pink bloom of the bougainvillea bush there. She opened and closed her wings slowly rhythmically really enjoying the nectar and presumably the moment. This moment led me to set my intention for the day; stop wanting more & enjoy the abundance and richness in each moment…even those that I think are “wrong”

In my last post (#40), I asked “Can we have it all? Good work & good love…or do we have to choose?”

Ultimately I concluded that future thinking was of no use. My job is to continue to practice being present in the moment; to let life unfold as it will. Today my thought is that we can have as much as we believe we can have. If we choose to live a life of abundance then that is what we will experience and if we choose to believe in scarcity then that is what we will live.

Right now I am off to sun myself and daydream….oops I mean live in the present moment. I will report on my progress and the goings on of this adventure later.

Until then much continued success and well being on your journey.

Vision Quest Survey Report: as of today, 143 women have completed it! My Goal= 1000.

(first posted 7.21.09)

Are you living in Paradise?

I am back from my awesome Vision Quest Retreat and readjusting to life here…you know having to wear shoes and clothes, taking the metro and not lying down when conducting work meetings…those kind of crazy things. For some reason sitting down to my laptop I notice that I am still rocking gently inside. I must have spent more time in the sea than I thought.

Today I am a bit challenged to try and refocus on work but at the same time I am really enjoying it…the work I mean. I was at a client site yesterday and really having a good time being engaged with them and being creative to help them improve the service they give to their members. I was struck by how much I love my work, this life I have created for myself and blessed to have. I love what I do! I also think my retreat refreshed me so I could be more engaged and creative.

I am a little uncomfortable today due to my seeming inconsistent focus but I think that is normal after a holiday so I wont worry about this. I have my list of work to do, am going to work through it, do what I can and not stress too much. I also need to report that I am fairly bursting with gratitude of late and find myself wondering…”how did my life get to be so good?” I know I am not alone. Many of us are living in a paradise on a daily basis, others can choose this when they want. Unfortunately I think there are some people who do not have this choice and then it is up to those of us who can, to help to improve the quality of their lives so they might experience the goodness that life can offer. My intention, through my work, is to do just this. The challenge is to continually refocus and to refresh my intention on a daily basis.

(first posted 7.9.09)

on the balcony 2009

It is the final day of this chapter of my Vision Quest Retreat and time to take stock of the experience. My agenda while here was 1) follow my instincts, 2) work on the curriculum for the upcoming Vision Quest Retreats being launched in the next year, 3) finish writing the story of how I came to be living my Vision for the book, 4) be in the moment, enjoy, chill, and record it all on this blog, twitter, and in my private travel journal.

So how did I do? Re:

1) Following my instincts-Did pretty well w/ this. This mainly came up when I had to decide what to do with my time. I often had to make the hard decision, do I go with the gang or take some quiet time to rest, read or work. I am pretty sure I made all the right moves around this because I have no regrets about my choices.

2) Working on the curriculum for the upcoming Vision Quest Retreats-I payed close attention to the elements on my own personal Vision Quest Retreat that are helping me to get quiet & clarify and gain inspiration for my own Vision. I wrote a three-day curriculum based on my experience and findings. There was also a shift in my perspective regarding my role as a retreat leader. I want to add more adventure to the agenda than I had previously envisioned i.e. snorkeling/scuba diving, hiking, nature encounters etc.

3) Finish writing the story of how I came to be living my Vision for the book-still no movement on this except in my mind and minimal at that but, something tells me this will be okay

4) Being in the moment, enjoying & chilling- Enjoying & Chilling? I think I have an advanced degree in this at this point in my life…no need for more practice. Regarding staying in the moment? I was surprised to observe that even here on a Caribbean island retreat at a fabulous villa I can be in a rush to get to the next adventure, thing or accomplishment. After this realization I decided I had more slowing down to do and practiced this more. I payed attention to the results and what I concluded to this point is that it may not be possible to be fully present at all times. What does it mean to be fully present? I was thinking it was like focusing on the moment intensely, but how can you focus on everything in one moment at once? There is too much in each moment to attend to it all equally! The new challenge I discovered was that do to the fact that I like to write and record it all I was sometimes composing my writing while in the moment to be written later. I am concerned that I am not truly in the present if I am busy writing about the present in my head. Am I living the moment or creating it?

5) Recording it all on blog, twitter, & private travel journal-Did really well with this or as good as one could expect while simultaneously living it all. As always it is a challenge to capture it all. I decided not to paint on this trip as I usually do to focus on my writing instead. I would love another week and be able to paint and write. I was able to take a lot of photographs and that helped my need for visual recording.

All in all I can describe this week of my retreat at Presidio Del Mar as divine. I will not soon forget the beauty, passion and adventure I experienced and I look forward to my role as a guide when I lead my own Vision Quest Retreats. I imagine that it will be an awesome experience to help others on their Vision Quests.

I am signing off now to sit at my little writing table in the window of the Hawk’s Nest (my room at the Presidio) and be in this moment. It is an overcast day and difficult to not cry looking out to sea and listening to Andrea Bocelli sing, “Con te partiro”

(first posted 7.5.09)

Moonrise

My last night of this adventure. The moon shines brightly and the wind is high around the Presidio tonight. Every time the palm trees rustle it sounds like they are alive. This chapter of the Vision Quest is coming to a close and I am somewhat sad about that but know other chapters are unfolding. More wonder and beauty to come…but tonight I am exhausted. I hope to be able to complete one final submission before leaving the island tomorrow. I am off to dream.

(first posted 7.4.09)

Sunset St. John

Is it better to do or to be?

So I did end up going down to Carnival last night. I am glad I did because I got to see what it’s like but it was not what I wanted or expected. A lot of people walking around…food and music, yes, but no real dancing. It was kind of early so that might have accounted for this but the bands we saw could best be described as tepid.

Today is the parade and I have decided to spend the last day of my Vision Quest retreat at home. Today is also the first overcast day since we arrived…a good day to stay in I say. I have been contemplating this doing vs being thing and have landed in the middle. I think life has to combine both. Not to say that we can’t practice mindfulness while doing but I think I will do better to just accept that sometimes I have to be in various degrees of action and restfulness. Rather than struggling to always just “be” I am going to focus on just being happy whether I am in motion or still. I think this a reasonable choice that represents the middle way.

This being said, there has been a lot of doing and great adventure on this trip. It really is just too much to capture in this blog so I will just give some of the recent highlights…

Great early morning swims, being held afloat is gentle waters, my huge school of silver minnows, the octopus, Mr. Shark, being surrounded by the most brilliant scenery at all times, rooftop yoga to a setting sun and under moonshine, being on the boat with the wind wipping my face, the taste of salt on my lips, the biggest barracuda I have ever seen, gorgeous squid, good food, peace, fresh air, communing with the spirit of Mami Wata, dancing by myself in the villa, silver moonlight on the bay, the brown lizard dancing to the Gap Band’s “Outstanding” yesterday, the cutest sea turtle I ever saw this morning, my family, laughter, surviving a car accident, being in love and being infinitely grateful to be alive.

I am off to enjoy my last day in this corner of Paradise. Happy Independence Day!

(first posted 7.4.09)