VQC #24: Getting Unstuck

Posted on February 21, 2010 by admin

Obscure Words and Thoughts By, Nicole Cutts

How often do you feel stuck in the course of attempting to live your Vision?

On average I probably feel stuck about 3 times a week! I wish living my Vision was something that flowed nay gushed like a river coming down a mountain, but that is no doubt owing to my chronically high expectations of myself and life. The reality is that one minute I am flowing, in the groove, and the next minute I am stuck on or sometimes clinging to a rock! I say clinging because I suspect that it is my fear that gets me stuck and I could let go of the rock if I wanted to but noooooooo…what would happen if I do? Who would I be without my daily dose of existential angst?!

Going with the flow at all times is something that I dream of. Many times on my walks by the river I stand and watch it as it flows gently toward the sea, bubbling and gurgling and imagine myself just happily floating along buoyed by the cool water. Then I leave the river and get engaged in my work and return to that halting clinging pace of stop and start and fear and exultation and slothfulness etc.

Today the rock I am clinging to is feeling pretty slippery. I have known for about two weeks now that I need to start writing my story to go in The Book (the one this whole blog is about, see “About the Vision Quest Chronicles”). Every step forward is scary for me, mainly owing again to the high expectations thing, and fear of failure and success (remember the angst?) I imagine that it has to be perfect…I’m afraid of moving forward…what if I fail…what is I succeed? WHAT IF I JUST DO IT?! That’s where I always land anyway so why don’t I just start here? Don’t know yet, but at some time today I will sit down and just make a start and see what comes out. Wish me luck.

Vision Quest Survey Report: as of today, 127 people have started the survey and 99 have completed it!

(first posted 5.30.09)

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VQC #23: Being Inspired

Posted on February 21, 2010 by admin

Sometimes you need to be reminded why you are living your Vision.

After taking some time off over the long weekend I have been trying to pick up the thread of my work. I keep asking myself…”what do you want to be doing now?” I have a ton of answers but then doing very little keeps winning out. I would worry about it but I realized I few weeks ago my problem was that I could not put down my currently paying work to work this Vision then the problem became I could not put down my Vision work for the currently paying work! I let that go and realized I always shift when I need to so why worry about that?

So tonight I was just playing around, feeling a bit listless. I checked into the Vision Quest Survey results to see how that is doing and was blown away! My eyes literally popped when I saw 108 responses! It says about 88 completed but this is all more than I expected. I am really grateful that people are taking the time to do it, but I got a real treat when I started reading what people are writing about their Visions. I saw so many women with beautiful Visions, creative Visions, Visions of helping people and healing the world, caring for people who it. My spirits were lifted by what I was reading…I was literally inspired (filled with spirit). I was reminded why I am living my Vision. I want to help people give birth to these beautiful Visions, to find them and to nurture them and to bring them to the world.

It feels good to be brought back, to have that clarity, to be reminded.

(first posted 5.27.09)

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VQC #22: Surrender

Posted on February 21, 2010 by admin

Sesa Woruban (4ftx4ft) By: Nicole Cutts

This morning I took a moment to say my prayers (which I do not do religiously) and I said a very short prayer that I came up with when I started this Vision Quest back in about 2000. It goes…”Thanks for waking me up this morning and thanks for my life EXACTLY as it is.” (My friend Eileen helped me with that last part.) I always put some extra stress on “exactly” to make it unconditional. I am not only attempting to accept all my circumstances but to bless them and be grateful for them. Many times I have uttered this prayer through clenched teeth or with a sarcastic tone in my voice. I would do it anyway.

This morning, however saying this brought me back to a realization. I lack humility. So often I am demanding things from G*d, from life, from my circumstances. This demanding is accompanied by a belief about what I should have or what I deserve. This is not humility. This morning for a fleeting moment I was in touch with humility and surrender. I could feel what it would be like to just be grateful for what I have and to give myself completely over to a Higher Power, to be lead, rather than to push and pull and rail. It felt peaceful and really good in that moment.

What does any of this have to do with living my Vision? Well I think it is very related. In my last post I talked about “success” and I think that a part of success is feeling good about where you are. I also suspect that success is related, not to pushing and pulling and struggle, but to humility and surrender and allowing ourselves to be guided by something bigger and more important than ourselves. More will be revealed.

(first posted 5.22.09)

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VQC #21: What is Success?

Posted on February 21, 2010 by admin

The Center-Adwo Nicole Cutts

What is your definition of success?

I have been contemplating this issue of late. I mean I’m a success coach, I write about it, I talk about it a lot but really what does it mean? I did a bit of research on the definition for an article I am writing and was surprised that one “official” (dictionary) definition actually named fame and prosperity as a part of the definition. Interesting, but I guess I’m more interested in what success means for us as humans, I mean what are we looking for? I equate success with living my Visions. But I do that because I equate living my Visions with feelings of joy, fulfillment and peace.

Lately I find myself perturbed with this thinking I seem to be addicted to, that when I reach the ultimate state of my Vision I will feel fulfilled. Somewhere, not so deep down inside, I know this is a fallacy. Instead of planning on feeling peace and happiness why don’t I just go ahead and feel that now? I mean, I am living my Visions and what I am doing now was once what I conceived and back when I conceived it I decided that I would be happy when it was manifested. The truth is I think I am caught in a cycle of addiction. Success is never enough. Oh I am happy with my accomplishments for a few days or a week or so then it fades and the withdrawal begins and I set my eyes on the next target telling myself once again, “when I get there I will be happy.”

Believe it or not I do know the antidote to this crazy thinking. It is a mixture of acceptance, gratitude and living in the present moment where happiness and fulfillment exist. Now partaking of this antidote on a daily basis is more challenging than knowing what to do, but that is the whole point. Success is not a destination it is a journey. The more I can remember this the better off I will be. I will keep you posted on my progress and as always invite you to do the same.

(first posted 5.17.09)

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VQC #20: Writer’s Block?

Posted on February 21, 2010 by admin

Where are you with your Vision today?

I’m not sure if I’m having writer’s block or Vision fatigue or if I am just in the pupa/chrysalis stage right now. I am going to go with the pupa/chrysalis stage as an explanation for how I feel. Let me explain what I mean. I developed a model of transition that I call “The Chrysalis Model” The stages are: 1) the Egg 2) the Caterpillar, 3) the Chrysalis is formed, and 4) Emergence. In stage 3 when the chrysalis is formed one is in a state that alternates between dormancy and turmoil. These past couple of days have felt like dormancy. It is as if a low level bubbling is taking place…not a lot of outward activity but there is a good deal of creating and planning going on in my head. On the other hand I could also be in the caterpillar phase because I am doing a fair bit of gathering too. As the survey is up data is being gathered. I am very happy and grateful to report that as of tonight 35 people have answered the survey (24 completed)! This is great actually as I have not put my full distribution plan in effect. When I do that I think more will come.

I’m also very much in a gathering phase for the new piece I am working on that is a part of the G*ddess Seriesof paintings. The concept has almost completely gelled, I have been working on the background of the piece for a few days now and today after my walk on the river I went to a Buddhist temple where they have a gift shop and acquired several important elements that will go in the piece. Actually I have some ideas I want to work out tonight so after I write this I am going down in the studio to work on that.

I am feeling pretty quiet but I know that when I come out of this the next steps are 1) complete the survey distribution and 2) do the timeline/plan for writing the book.

It is pointless to say I will keep you posted because I will and not to be greedy but I do miss hearing from others about what their Visions are and what they are working on so if you are reading this…drop us a line.

(first posted 5.14.09)

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VQC #19: And Still We Rise

Posted on February 21, 2010 by admin

Are you ever exhausted from living your Vision?

Some days like today I can hit a wall and just stop! I was going along happily doing my thing…just gave a workshop on a fun topic; avoiding resentment at work, and was heading to a charity golf event, when all of a sudden I just got tired of it all and wanted to go home and go to bed. I called my friend Lisa, who is also living her Vision to whine…”nothing is happening…when is this thing gonna catch on? are people going to take my survey? when?…when?…wah wah wah”…my usual craziness. Of course she reminded me to be patient and to let it go. Don’t you hate when your friends give you the same advise you give them?!

Well I definitely let it go. I arrived home around 8:00 and to Rex’s (my pooch) surprise, and no doubt dismay (can dogs be dismayed?) got in the bed and pulled the covers over my head!

I arose at about 1:00 a.m. in a different space and decided to do a little light work. Of course I could not resist…I popped over to Survey Monkey to see how the survey responses are going. Yesterday there were 9 responses, so I was telling myself, even if it is just one more or no more just chill but there were 18 responses! WOW! I was heartened by this. Maybe once again the Universe is telling me it’s okay to just do the work, stay present and leave the results.

Well, today is a new day for me to practice again living my Vision by doing my work and leaving the results…again…again…it is a process…we forget and again we remember…and still we rise.

(first posted 5.12.09)

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VQC #18: Build it and they will come?

Posted on February 21, 2010 by admin

So last night I reported that I finally finished the *Vision Quest Survey and got it out there. Also reported that I was exhausted…working a lot lately. This morning I awoke more rested, but did have to do some work for a workshop I am giving tomorrow. For some reason, can’t remember why now I popped over to Survey Monkey to see something and was shocked to see that SIX women have already completed my survey! Wow, I feel so good. Maybe my friend Liz was right, maybe my cousin Dawn was right. They among others told me “build it and they will come.” Perhaps this is an affirmation.

I am still working on just doing the work putting it out there and leaving the results up to the Universe. I will let you know how well I am doing with this as the journey continues. For now I am going to try and take it easy and enjoy Mother’s Day…after just a little more work

(first posted 5.10.09)

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VQC #17: Saying YES

Posted on February 18, 2010 by admin

Are you willing to say “YES” to your Vision? When you feel a calling to follow it do you honor what you are led to do or do you resist?

Overall I am saying “yes” to my Vision. This does not mean I never avoid or drag my feet or procrastinate, but yes I am willing to say “yes.” Some days like today I am really tired and I can only do what I can do. And some days also like today I try to push past my fatigue with less than perfect results. I have had to vow to myself that after uploading this post I will go rest, but I did just want to check in to report that I did push past my Monkey Terror (see post #16) and revised the survey and posted it. See invitation to take survey below. I need to go now and just let the week sink in. I plan to write perhaps in the morning when I am refreshed, but I could not rest until I got this out there.

Please click this link to take the Vision Quest Survey.

(first posted 5.9.09)

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VQC #16: Of Monkeys & Terror?

Posted on February 18, 2010 by admin

ARE YOU AFRAID OF SUCCESS?

Hi my name is V. Quest and I am living my Vision one day at a time. Yes I feel like I need a support group today. After my wonderful artist date yesterday, and yes I did make it into the studio last night to begin the piece that has been marinating in my head, I find myself in a state of anxiety ridden inertia today!

After hounding one of my trusted advisers for feedback on my survey (to collect data for the book I’m working on) I have only begun to do what I think is the final revision before sending the survey out there. After a great conversation with this friend this morning about the survey and about another project I am working on, that she may be able to help me with, I got overly excited and then could not work! My stomach has been in knots all day and I keep telling myself to just sit down and finish the survey…just do one step at a time…don’t freak out about the next steps involved in sending it out…just revise it and when it’s done then worry about what’s next…BUT I can’t seem to do it!

I’m frozen and it feels like terror! What am I afraid of? Success and failure all at the same time I think. On one hand I’m afraid that I will put the survey out there and get no responses, hence no data hence no book hence failure. On the other hand what if I move on to the next stage, get lots of responses/data, this thing grows, I write the book, it’s a best seller…SUCCESS! Then What??

Yesterday in the Sackler Gallery on my artist date I saw something very interesting that may explain my fears. It’s a sculpture entitled Monkeys Grasping for the Moon by Xu Bing. This piece depicts a Buddhist folktale from China. One day apparently, a monkey playing in the trees looked down into a well and saw the moon in the water. He called his friends to help him and they all linked tails and arms to try and reach down and retrieve the moon. When the monkey at the bottom of the chain reached into the water to grasp the moon he was startled. The water rippled…but there was no moon. It was just an illusion.

Oh intellectually I know I am not this monkey and that my Vision is not the moon and that the journey is the thing and all that stuff but feelings are by definition irrational things. I also know that I have been here before and that I have tons of tools and tricks to get me out of here. This is all a part of the process of living my Vision but right now I am uncomfortable. I think I’ll go do some yoga.

Thanks for letting me share.

V.

(first posted 5.5.09)

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VQC #15: An Artist Date with Mami Wata

Posted on February 18, 2010 by admin

Mami Wata

In Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way she suggests that as you are discovering or recovering your creative self you should take what she calls an “Artist Date”. This date is essentially a day by yourself to just go explore, do something different, perhaps mischievous that you have interest in doing. It need not be overtly artistic. In my case, being a painter, my artist dates usually involve art. Today was such a day.

I had a cancellation in my afternoon, so after seeing a couple of coaching clients at the Dept. of Energy I decided to pop over to the Smithsonian garden and to the Museum of African Art to visit Mami Wata again (see post #) I thought it appropriate to go spend some time with this water spirit on a rainy day. This is my third visit to this exhibit. As it will be up until July I am taking my time to just enjoy and take it all in slowly. As usual on these artist dates I am just being open, looking for inspiration but not really forcing it. I allow myself to go where the mood takes me. Today was beautiful because I was in no hurry. I was able to contemplate Mami in all her different incarnations. She is revered in many parts of the world through out the African Diaspora and shows up in a myriad of forms and religions, mixing easily with such diverse belief systems as Hinduism, Voudon, and Catholicism. Her devotees believe that she brings prosperity and good fortune in many forms. To try and capture who she is and what she represents is way beyond the scope of this blog, so I will not attempt this.

I have been moving in the direction of going back into my studio to paint. There is an unborn piece in the G*ddess series that has been gestating in me for about 8 mos that is getting ready to be born. So much of who Mami Wata is, is finding its way into this piece. Perhaps more on this later.

After visiting her for a while I decided to dip into the Sackler and Freer galleries, also on the grounds of the Smithsonian castle and gardens. I have to say I was very excited by what I found in these buildings. The structure and atmosphere alone was really special, peaceful and pregnant with so much…lovely art and artifacts, much of it from Asia, Persia and the Middle East. To tell the truth I was drawn here by a sign advertising the “Peacock Room.” Not too long ago I went through a period where I was seeing images of Peacocks everywhere so I wanted to explore what this was about. But the real treat that I found in the Freer was a central courtyard with a fountain. I was able to go outside and stand under the portico and look out into the falling rain dripping off of the new leaves of spring. How fresh and clean was the air and the sound of the water from the fountain so soothing. I will definitely be back there on my next artist date.

Tonight I will find my way into the studio to lay the ground work for the as yet unborn G*ddess. I don’t know how this will unfold but I know that I am ready to go there and to see and to wait as it emerges.

By the way…if you have never taken yourself on an artist date and you are looking for your creativity and inspiration, I highly recommend it.

If you want to learn more about Mami Wata or the exhibit at the Smithsonian click http://africa.si.edu/exhibits/mamiwata/intro.html

(first posted 5.4.09)

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